“Son, We’re Moving In!”
Alzheimer’s disease. Stroke. Financial incident. Car accident. Surgery. Loneliness. Heart attack. There are many reasons you might move in with your parents or in-laws, or why they may move in with you. It is not a simple choice and there are some things everyone should consider.
First about me and my experience with sharing a home. We moved with my mom from Wisconsin to North Carolina because of her Alzheimer’s disease. We took care of her for 11 years. It’s been four years since she passed away. Recently my in-laws have moved in with us because rents just keep climbing, and they had to.
There was no question that they would move in with us. We have the space. It is close to their old place, so it is familiar and their friends are close by. But one major factor for you may be whether you move in with them or they move in with you. A few questions for you to ponder are:
• Which home has more room?
• Which home has a space for all family members to feel they have their own private spot?
• Is one of the homes all on one floor?
• Are their safety precautions already in place at one home over another?
• Will one home be easier to put in a ramp, get a wheelchair through doorways, or walk-in shower over the other home? A person may not need any of these aids right now, but could need them in the future.
• Does one home have a lower mortgage or no mortgage?
Relationship
If you do not have a good relationship with your parents, do not move in together. I get thinking your mom can babysit your kids, or maybe they have money and you could use the financial help. I understand you think they don’t have any options. But nothing will make you have a good relationship if you do not have one before you live together. It doesn’t need to be great, just good enough.
Home Rules
Do you have any house rules? You may have some, and you don’t realize it. Like, shoes off in the entryway, or no smoking in the house. It may help everyone who lives in your home to know what they think the rules are. Sit down and write some home rules, together. Think about how to make them happen. Be prepared to explain the reason behind the rule. If you want everyone to take off their shoes, you may need a bench or chair for older people to change into a pair of secure, comfy slippers. Make a list and let them chime in with any of their ideas for house rules. Write them down. It can be a good time, actually.
By Karen Stobbe
Read part 2 of Sharing A Home here.
P.S. You may also like Go With The Flow: Caregiving for someone with dementia might require a little acting.
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